Imposter Syndrome, go fuck yourself!

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Imposter Syndrome, go fuck yourself!

A very personal blog post about Imposter Syndrome

what is “Imposter Syndrome”?

A quick Google search gives this answer:
the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills. “people suffering from impostor syndrome may be at increased risk of anxiety”

Well, I’m not experiencing anxiety, but I’m diffently experiencing every other aspect mentioned in that statement.
Ever since I became a full time consultant, I’ve had that naggin’ feeling, that I wasn’t good enough to be part of this amasing group of people.
Everytime I was appointed a task, I would say to myself “My colleagues would have fixed this by now. You fucking idiot. They’ll find out what a fraud you are.”, five minutes into the task. At one point, it got so bad, that I was about to crash in my car, because my former teamlead wrote me a text, saying he needed to speak to me, when I got home. My head was spinning and I was sure that I didn’t had a job the next day. Complete chaos.

All he wanted, was to say what a great guy I was(am), and I was doing a fantastic job.

therapy and a lot of chocolate later

Later that evening, I talked with my girlfriend, who convinced me to talk to my teamlead.
He was absolutely devastated, after I told him what had happend. He couldn’t believe it, because I was working with one of out biggest customers and handling them all by myself.
“Oh hello I’m Imposter Syndrome. I tell you, you’re not good enough, so you have to work even harder to be noticed”. He ensured me, that I was nowhere near about to lose my job. We arranged for theropy sessions, through the company medical insurance.
10 therapy sessions later and a lot of talking with girlfriend, former boss and new boss, I can honestly say that I’ve changed my way of thinking. Imposter still pops up at times, but I’ve learned to cope with it.

Citrix Technology Advocate

All of this culminated with becoming af member of the Citrix Technology Advocate program in 2024.
This is a GIANT pat on the back(like if The Hulk slapped me on the back), for me personally.
From here on, it’s a BIG BIG fuck you Imposter Syndrome.

Don’t hold back

If you read this, and feel some form of resemblance, of what I’ve been writing about. Don’t hold back. Write and I’ll try and help as best as I can.
No one should experience this!